What the hell?


It is just so fucking pissing off and I'm pissed off and I am still fucking pissed right now. No! Maybe not pissed off? I'm just feeling down? I don't know! Alot of things are going through my mind right now and I'm so troubled by all this fucking nonsense.

This fucking feeling has been fucking going on since the past few fucking days. I have not been able to concentrate on stuffs properly. My mind will just keep thinking about all this fucking problems that I'm having. I teared easily too when I'm alone. I don't like being in this kind of state. It affect me very badly.

NCC, School, You, Her are all bothering me. I need a break from all this. Live range just now and it just make me feel more miserable. Wanting a Marksmanship since a Part A and didn't get it in the end is really fucking irritating. A score of 9/10 is fucking unacceptable? Seeing people act differently towards me just now because of childish issues does not help either. It was hard putting on an act and I was really being a hypocrite trying to make things seem alright so that no one will start any fight.

I fucking don't know man. Maybe, God is just testing me. All I can do now is to just take it and deal with it one by one, slowly. Like what AB told me, "Life is full of shite. Maybe this is one of your shite." Yup. Maybe this is one of my shite. Ok maybe not shite. This is one of the ways God is testing me. Things happen for a reason and maybe all the things I'm going through right now has something good out of it. I may not know now but maybe in future, I will.

NCC has been good. However, competiton is very strong right now among a few of us and we can all sense it for sure but nevertheless, NCC has taught me alot of stuffs. I'm exposed to many things in NCC that I have never imagined I would be exposed to. New friends and experiences were made, gained knowledge that I never taught I would have gained, given alot of opportunities to show the potential in me to be a better someone and most importantly what I learnt through all this. I really thank those who have nurture me in KC NCC/NCC all the way till what I am now even though I know I have not done enough.

School will always be my second home. With close friends standing by me whenever I need them to share my joys and sorrows with is something I will treasure very much. Sometimes it's hard for me to share certain things with you guys not because I don't trust you all just that I feel it's hard to open up to some stuffs. For now I will just keep it to myself alright.

To you; I don't know what has become of us. We are both busy with our own stuffs and no one is trying anything to keep this friendship of ours going. Time is all we need but how much time in the world do we have to ourselves? Maybe we are actually okay. Maybe I'm assuming too much that's why I think we're like this. Well, I'm sure we are doing good (= I miss everything of you.

To her; I don't know what is wrong with us man. Both were being such a hypocrite just now? Or at least I know I was? I wanted us to say and do the usual things we do when we see each other. Ask how are we doing, update each other with what is happening in our life right now and end off with a goodbye knowing we will still see each other the next time without any worries but it was so different after.....I don't know if we should continue being like this and act like strangers towards each other or continue being friends.